It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Actions speak louder than pants.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
