How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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