Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
