Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
