i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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