i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he puts the penis in happiness.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
