She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
