So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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