would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
