Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
