he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I lost the right to judge tonight
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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