dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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