I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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