Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
