I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
