what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize