Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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