I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
