I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
