I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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