if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
