i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I got inside last night via doggy door
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