Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
