Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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