i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Randomize
