Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
