I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
