why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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