Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
