Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
