This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Shame is for Republicans.
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