i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
so let's talk penis.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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