you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Randomize
