Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
