i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
