u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
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