Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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