I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Randomize
