Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
