yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
