I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
