New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
there was a trapeze. enough said
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
But I just had this pork p�t�. It was dick grabbing.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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