Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
