There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Life is so much better after having sex.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
So vagazzling was a success
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
