Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
