My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
