this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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