Cold hands, warm shart.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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