She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
