he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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