It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
