do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I think your dad took our porno
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
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