Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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