Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
