Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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